’I am learning all the time.  The tombstone will be my diploma.’ – Eartha Kitt

Think about this: “Who is blind? One who sees only himself. Who is poor? One who is troubled with so many desires. Who is rich? One who is contented with what he has. Who is happy? One who knows God and who knows that he is loved.”

Last week I attended a funeral for Gary’s brother. It grieved me to see that there were only about 25 people attended and the ceremony was held in this very tiny room. It made me wonder how many people cared for this guy. We all will die. There’s no question about that, and we are all equal on that. However, the question we should ask is how we will die. More correctly, what will we die for? On that question, we will not be equal. Some die for money, for power, or for glory. Some die for a cause, for love, or for a life mission. Whatever, what matters is that we die for something or for someone greater than ourselves. Do you have a flock you care for? Do you have a cause or advocacy in this world? Do you have a mission you live for and will die for? If you don’t, then you are an empty, vain, selfish, unworthy person who is just occupying space in this world. Let us ask ourselves today: For whom and for what am I living for? For whom and for what am I dying for?

“It is not so much your work as your heart.” But what or who do you magnify in life? How many of us live just magnifying ourselves and our own interests? Unless and until we learn humility and self-effacement, we will never be truly happy in this life.  Do you tend to magnify your woes, sinfulness, or sorrows? There are people who focus on and who constantly relate their miseries and misfortunes.

It inspires me no end to meet people who dedicate their lives for the good of their children, for the good of the country, for the good of Mother Nature, or for the good of God’s Kingdom. But then I also meet, with disappointment, people who are so focused on themselves and have no thought of who or what comes after them.

Wherever we are in life, whether in the valley of tears, or in the mountain of blessings, let us keep focused, not on our situation, but on the Lord who is with us in any situation. People come and go. Situations change. Only the Lord is constant, only the Lord remains, and only the love of God is permanent. The Lord teaches us that in our lowest moments, and even in our peak moments, we must focus on Him, and not so much on the problems or on the blessings.

May we not find ourselves with a bagful of regrets that we focused more on functions and less on persons. The problem with those who try to become a somebody is that they forget to be a someone. Perhaps all you need to do is to work less, and just love more. But before we complain, and put forth our personal miseries, let us not forget that there are people who are suffering more. If you think your life is hard, please remember that there are lots of people whose lives are harder than yours.

We live in a world of fast food, speed, competition and consumption. It’s tempting to think that the past was easier, gentler and slower. Of course, a great deal has changed in recent times, but in its own way, the past was just as frenetic, stressful and difficult as modern times.

Don’t rush. Go slow. Eat slowly. Walk slowly. Don’t over-exercise – take proper rest and get plenty of sleep. Breathe deeply. Lasting value comes from the slow and steady approach. Many drops soon fill a bucket. Great change can come about by persistent, gentle pressure. A rough stone is worn away by water gently washing over it; beautiful, sandy beaches are made from rocks in the same way. Pearls take time.

Take rest. Any farmer will tell you that a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.  Give yourself time and space. Take it easy.

Keep learning. To be alive is to learn. Learning means making mistakes, getting things wrong, failing. When you fail, it’s time to be glad and to celebrate because you learned something.

Accept life as it is, with all its imperfections and unexpected twists and turns. Things rarely go according to plan – life meanders along like a river, winding through the landscape, straight for a while but then suddenly turning. Accept yourself, with all your faults and shortcomings. Accept others, with all their faults. You relationships are never going to be perfect. People will come into and go out of your life – some will stay for a long time and others for a short while.

Listen. A writer once wrote, ‘I often regret that I have spoken; never that I remained silent.’ People are all too ready to talk. It takes courage and persistence to listen, but to do so is to open up a whole new world. ‘Seek first to understand, then to be understood.’ If more of us did this more of the time – if we truly tried to put ourselves in the other person’s place – the world would be far better.

Drop your expectations. Life is full of surprises, odd and unexpected twists and turns which you could never have planned or anticipated. The world does not conform to your preferences and plans. Other people don’t conform either. Look back on your life. Did you expect to be where you are now? I know I could never have dreamed I would be where I am now. My own life is totally different from the one I had imagined as a child and as a young man. Better remain open to every possibility – the future is a great mystery.

Give up trying to understand. We all have an innate desire for power. We want to control the world around us so that we can be safe and secure. But the truth is that you can’t understand the world and life – it is a mystery and the only way to happiness is to strop struggling to understand and control the it and, instead, to embrace its mysterious and unfathomable nature. The philosopher Alan Watts called this the ‘Wisdom of Insecurity.’

The list above seems to suit me. But you need to work out the best way to live for yourself. We all want to find the easy route – to be told what to do, what to think to make us happy. But there is no such thing. Everyone is different and you need to walk your own walk, find your own path. You can choose to continue down the path everyone else follows, or you can choose to start living with intention. You can choose to sit and worry about the worst that could happen, or you can start making progress now, and choose to have faith that everything will work out. You can choose not to contact that person you love because you could be rejected, or you can reach out because you might be accepted. In the end, we’re all alone. Accept this, too!