Article By: Iyo_Embong

While the word “relationship” is typically defined as the fixed association between people, a more interesting discussion takes place when we view a “relationship” as a profound and advanced set of association and consider the movement and fluidity the new identity reveals.

Beneath the surface, relationships are like a complex and enchanting dance like Tango. And like a dance, they express deeply felt emotions, including love, courage, affection and joy, as well as sorrow and anger.

Love is the most profound emotion known to human beings. For most people, romantic relationships are the most meaningful element in their lives. But the ability to have a healthy, loving relationship is not innate. Almost all of us have experienced a failed relationship, and most of us have to work consciously to master the skills necessary to make them flourish.

As we navigate through the many layers of our lives, so do our relationships. We experience a multitude of beginnings and endings-some that are clearly defined, others that are not; some that see the end of an expired bond, others that do not-all the same, the true opportunity is in the ability to cultivate and develop our relationships, as it is they that offer the best mirror to determine our progress and assure our growth.

Meaningful relationships occur on many levels. There are romantic relationships defined on the grounds of passion, commitment and intimacy. There are family relationships that establish roles, create identities and foster the early growth of individual members. There are workplace relationships between boss and employee and bonds forged at school between teacher and student. At other times, our relationships as members of a community resemble the highly coordinated movement of a flock of birds or school of fish: seemingly working and manoeuvring as a single unit, gracefully changing direction in an instant. Scientists understand the behaviour of a flock of birds not to be the property of any individual bird, but rather the property of the group itself. There is no leader, no overall control; instead the flock’s movements are determined by the moment-by-moment decisions of individual birds, following simple rules in response to interactions with their neighbours in the flock.

We can see that healthy relationships function much the same way. People following fairly simple rules interact with each other to form a cohesive and dynamic whole. At times, they may even appear to be straddling the line between stability and anarchy, much like a flock of birds or school of fish. Somehow, they work in the sense that they always provide the forces that will inevitably shape our lives. It is up to us then, to make good use of them. Among other things, cherishing those that provide the nurturing, even when it is complicated, is deserved. Ultimately, this requires both recognition and acknowledgement. Even if someone is no longer present in our lives we can do this by simply honouring the past in our mind and heart.

Most of us are allured by the attractive notion that effortless relationships exist. Whether it be happily-ever-after marriages, or friendships that last forever, or parent/child bonds which supercede the need to understand each other, we’d all like to believe that our most intimate relationships are unconditional, and strong enough to withstand whatever may come. However, at some point in our lives most of us need to face the fact that relationships require effort to keep them strong and positive, and that even wonderful, strong relationships can be destroyed by neglect.

Over all, relationships require work, focus, vigilance and patience, even in retrospect. Otherwise, what existed of them will wither away. Knowing this, it is important to recognize that there is always the potential for growth. In this way, relationships may also be likened to a garden, which can be skilfully and lovingly restored or allowed to run wild, even after a storm has ravished it. Just as a gardener tends to his plot of land, planting seeds, tilling the soil, growing plants, and keeping it free of weeds, so we must tend to our relationships, nurturing those we value most, tending to those that need a little extra support, and even dispensing of those that no longer work.

Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to ‘GET’ or ‘GAIN’ something. They’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to ‘GIVE’, and NOT a place that you go to ‘TAKE’!

Article By: Iyo_Embong