By: Iyo Embong

Last Tuesday I was privileged of being able to attend the bible study at sister Gina and brother Albert’s place. I truly enjoyed it and have learnt a lot from it by just listening to other people’s view on whatever subjects we are discussing. One topic that we were sharing is the area of LOVE. Allow me to take my view that day further in the hope that we can come into a much deeper understanding of what I was trying to explain.

Like myself, there are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we feel. For fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves, we hesitate to say the actual words “I love you.” So we try to communicate the idea in other words.

We say ‘take care’ or ‘don’t drive too fast’ or ‘be good.’ But really, these are just other ways of saying ‘I love you,’ ‘you are important to me,’ ‘I care what happens to you,’ ‘I don’t want you to get hurt.’

I regret to say this but sometimes we are a very strange people. The only thing we want to say, and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don’t say. And yet, because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so strong, we are driven to use other words and signs to say what we really mean. And many times the meaning never gets communicated at all and the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted.

Therefore, we have to LISTEN FOR LOVE in the words that people are saying to us. Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more often, the manner of saying things is even more important. A joyous insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments, which are expressed insincerely. An impulsive hug says I LOVE YOU even though the words might be saying very different.

Any expression of a person’s concern for another in actual fact says I love you. Sometimes the expression is clumsy, sometimes even cruel.  Sometimes we must look and listen very intently for the love that it contains. But it is often there, beneath the surface.

A mother may nag her son constantly about his attitude, grades or cleaning his room. The son may hear only the nagging, but if he listens carefully, he will hear the love underneath the nagging. His mother wants him to do well, to be successful. Her concern and love for her son unfortunately emerge in her nagging.  But it is love all the same.

A daughter comes home late, way past the time she have promised to be home, and her father confronts her with angry words. The daughter may hear only the anger, but if she listens carefully, she will hear the love under the anger. “I was worried about you,” the father is saying. ‘Because I care about you and I love you. You are important to me.’

We say I love you in many ways-with birthday gifts, and little notes, with smiles and sometimes with tears.  Sometimes we show our love by just keeping quiet and not saying a word, at other times by speaking out, even harshly. We show our love sometimes by impulsiveness. Many times we have to show our love by forgiving someone who has not listened to the love we have tried to express.

The problem is listening for love is that we don’t always understand the language of love that the other person is using. A girl may use tears or emotions to say what she wants to say, and her boyfriend may not understand her because he expects her to be talking his language. Thus, we have to force ourselves to really listen for love.

The problem with our world is that people rarely listen to each other. They hear the words, but they don’t listen to the actions that accompany the words or the expression on the face. Or people listen only for rejection or misunderstanding. They do not see the love that is there just beneath the surface, even if the words are angry.

We have to listen for love in those around us. If we listen intently we will discover that we are a lot more loved than we realize.

Listen for love and we will find that the world is a very loving place after all.

By: Iyo Embong