Article By: Iyo_Embong

I have been wanting to write about this topic for a long time as it is something that affects each and every one of us. And, it is something that becomes more obvious the older I get.

I recently met a guy who visited from the Philippines named Mike. After a very short introduction from Ps. Jonas, we quickly became close friend. Being a good friend is about being reliable, kind-hearted and thoughtful. In this way you’ll develop and maintain a friendship that lasts for years. One good friend is priceless. Taking the time to nurture a TRUE friendship is worth every moment.

BE REAL! Good friendships don’t arise from hoping someone else’s popularity or networks will rub off on you. Rather, a good friendship comes about by being with people who connect with you at a basic level. If you’re trying to be friends with a person just to be accepted into a certain circle, or because you’d like to get to know someone else that he or she knows, that’s not friendship – it’s opportunism – and eventually you’ll regret the shallow nature of your involvement. Every new person you meet has the right to be accepted (or not) on his or her own merits, so it’s better to just be yourself than to let anyone else influence you into being someone you are not. In turn, you have a responsibility to fill their life with good memories and happy moments.

Are your friends really your friends? Are they supporting and enhancing your life or are they teaching you to think and behave in darker ways that you never thought you would? The company you keep is so important. They will change you in more ways than you know.

We all know that friends are important in our lives. They keep you company when you are bored and they love you (supposedly) when you are sick or sad. But this isn’t what I am talking about. I am talking about the fact that your friends are (other than your parents) the most influential people in your life. You spend hours upon hours with these people and after a while you start to mimic their behaviour. Your friends change you.

If you go off to a mountain retreat and live with Monks and Yogis you will find that your behaviour and outlook will naturally start to become very peaceful. If you go to Wall Street and hang out with cocaine sniffing wealthy executives you will find that you naturally become more greedy and competitive. The people you hang out with change who you are. Because, as humans, we take in information from the world around us and, more importantly, we try to fit in to that world around us.

Your friends are important. They play a big role in how you see and interact with the world. Your future is largely dependent on their influence. So, are your friends really friends?

Signs your friends aren’t really friends. Now let’s go over a few signs that might indicate that your friends aren’t really your friends.

1. You have to be someone else around them

If you feel like you have to be someone other than your normal self around your friends then chances are they aren’t your real friends. We all know this feeling. You go out with these people but you feel like you need to dress or talk differently in order to fit in. These people aren’t your friends. These people are tools you are using to try and be more popular. And this type of pursuit won’t get you anywhere at all. Next time you meet up with a “friend” take a look at your own mind and behaviour and see if you are falling into this trap.

2. You gossip more

Gossip is a terrible thing. It hurts other people and it makes you feel bad about yourself in the long run. One sure sign that your friends aren’t really your friends is when you find that you gossip more around them. Gossip is, unfortunately, the product of many bad friendships. Often times we meet with people and, after running out of things to talk about, we start talking about the mistakes that other people have made. If you’re friends are making you gossip more it might be time to switch company.

3. You’re moving further away from your goals

Everyone has goals that they want to achieve. Some people want to buy a nice big house, other people want to travel and some of us want a good career. Whatever your goal in life is it should be supported by your friends. They should help you get closer and closer to this goal. The very act of hanging around with the wrong people can cause you to lose track and lose your way. If your friends are taking you further away from your goals then you really need to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself if they are the best thing for you.

4. You don’t notice any positive qualities growing

One thing that you will find happens quite naturally when you hang out with good friends is that your positive qualities will grow and flourish. If you find that no new positive qualities are developing and, in fact, you are developing some negative traits then it is time to be worried.

As an example I have an old friend who has spent many years in meditation retreats. Whenever I hang out with this guy I find myself becoming more loving and patient and relaxed. On the other hand, I have some friends who leave me feeling more anxious, agitated and angry at the world. There is a big difference.

Friends should bring out the best in you. They should help you to reach new heights, not bring you down to their problems. Take a look at how you feel during and after meeting your acquaintances and see what is going on with you.

But I can’t just give up! If you can stay friends with a bad influence because you feel like their example doesn’t rub off on you and, in fact, you are benefiting the person by being their friend then by all means you should stay their friend. On the other hand, as much as you truly love them and they mean the world to you, if you are finding that this person is destroying your life, bringing you down and you really aren’t getting anything from the relationship regardless what you do for them then you might need to make the tough decision. The task is to discover inside your own mind whether or not this is the best solution. And it is something that only you can ascertain. Only you can decide what the best thing to do is. You know your own heart and behaviour better than anyone else so if you can see changes going on for the worse you need to take drastic action. Nobody else can take it for you.

The company you keep is important. They influence you for both the better and the worse. Take a look at your five closest friends and see if they are good for you. Because those five people are your biggest influences. You will surely begin to emulate them in one way or another.

In my life I’ve had a minuscule taste of adulation. Nothing that made the nightly news, but enough that I felt the intoxification of self-importance. Must admit, it tasted sweet. I can see how it could become addictive for most people. But, all the while, I also felt like a pretender. Like the praise was undeserved and if they really knew me they’d pack up their smiles and applause and find more worthy prey.

What you do and what you have are the results of choices that you’ve made in life. To take joy in knowing that your ‘self-worth’ is not determined by others lets you feel joy in living. To seek joy that depends upon others approval will only bring you pain. Each day offers you a choice. Remember who you are and all that you do will be a blessing, not a curse.

“Put a rose in a sack of fish and soon the rose will start to stink too. Be careful of the company you keep.” – The 17th Karmapa Urgyen Trinley Dorje.

Article By: Iyo_Embong